“Surviving” Life After Breast Cancer

@lisman1408
I fear that you have misunderstood my post. You may notice that I was responding to a post by @merpreb who was wondering if her self-imposed isolation was a rational reaction. I was explaining to her why, I, too, eventually chose isolation. Your unfounded reaction is another example of why I likely will pull further back.

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@lisman1408 and @elizm, it is with heavy heart that I see a potential conflict brewing. Thank you both for airing your disappointment and hurt. I agree with many of the points that each of has made. Lisman, you were not being singled out. Elizm was recounting how some people couldn't relate to her cancer experience, even people who had also had cancer but different treatments. The discussion focuses on well-intended but unhelpful even hurtful things people say. Understandably you were hurt when you felt specifically targeted as someone who had "only radiation." As Merry so aptly said, cancer is cancer. There is no good cancer.

@lisman1408 you're right. Let's not allow this discussion to devolve into a competition of comparison. But rather remain a sisterhood of support and understanding where people feel safe to say what's on their mind, even the tough stuff, and not be judged.
@elizm, I urge you to not retreat but to continue to share and help us all to understand multiple perspectives.

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@lisman1408 and @elizm, it is with heavy heart that I see a potential conflict brewing. Thank you both for airing your disappointment and hurt. I agree with many of the points that each of has made. Lisman, you were not being singled out. Elizm was recounting how some people couldn't relate to her cancer experience, even people who had also had cancer but different treatments. The discussion focuses on well-intended but unhelpful even hurtful things people say. Understandably you were hurt when you felt specifically targeted as someone who had "only radiation." As Merry so aptly said, cancer is cancer. There is no good cancer.

@lisman1408 you're right. Let's not allow this discussion to devolve into a competition of comparison. But rather remain a sisterhood of support and understanding where people feel safe to say what's on their mind, even the tough stuff, and not be judged.
@elizm, I urge you to not retreat but to continue to share and help us all to understand multiple perspectives.

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@merpreb
Chemo brain has been humiliating and humbling. The first year (2018) was the worst where I would show up for appointments, for example, either on the right day but the wrong time, or the wrong day but the right time, and sometimes the appointment just slips my mind completely. This past year, it comes and goes, and is not quite as challenging. Yes, my life is littered with Post-It notes. Although math was never a challenge for me, I found even easy calculations to stump me during the first year-and-change. Word choices can be frustrating, as can multi-tasking and a tendency toward procrastination.

I've read that chemo brain can last up to five years, however, I've noticed a lessening over time (thank goodness). My oncologist and NP have no suggestions except to keep on keeping on. (I had extensive nerve damage with chemo, so I suppose that all of this is unsurprising to them.) My personal "treatments" are exercise and reading, hoping they will help retrain what's left of my brain.

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Elizm, I am one of those who “only needed a round of radiation”... and no, I’m not ‘clueless about hormone receptors or HER2’. I likely am not as informed as you are because my cancer was different than yours. But please don’t refer to me as ‘clueless’. I regret you have had to endure a very difficult treatment for your situation; and that your friends ‘didn’t understand’. It is truly very unfortunate that you found your friends to be belittling. I’m truly sorry they have made you feel that way. But please don’t follow in their footsteps and ‘belittle’ those of us who are here to support one another regardless of our diagnosed ‘stage’ of cancer, or what the treatment plan is/was for each of us. We are not in competition here to see who has the ‘worst case’ of breast cancer, or the most difficult recovery. Best wishes to all on this forum.

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@lisman1408- Since Colleen already addressed your discussions with @elizm I will let it be. I will however attest to the fact that many, many people are "clueless" when it comes to knowing anything about their own bodies. Having lung cancer opened up a new vocabulary and "job" for me. By job I mean learning all about my lung cancer, bio of my lungs and the cancer that invaded me. I feel that it is every cancer patient's responsibility and job to learn as much as they can about their cancer. Knowledge is power and there is a huge sense of loss of power when it comes to having cancer. I mean, we turn our whole life over to the insurance and medical fields- how scaryl is that?
But even so many people chose to hide from knowing everything that there is so that they can separate themselves from reality, that of having cancer. I found that the more I learned the less tension that I found during my doctor's appointments because I was a better patient and he was a better doctor.
Any ideas how we can open up other people's minds to learning more?

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