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~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~
I'm 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I'm just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don't have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there's not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there's enough), and my son sends me money each month. I'm sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I'm thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I'd have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they're all on line now), and legally they're not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college .... well, it doesn't take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I'm so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby
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Hi Lisa, thank you for your answer, I do know what CBT is what I was asking was what is cognitive behaviour?
Hi, @smilie - I was suggesting you check out the Connect arthritis discussion sometime cause you mentioned in your post you are in physical pain because of arthritis. Yes, distinct topic from cognitive behavior.
Hi Lisa, what is going on with this site, I don’t know what to call this. No one is writing anymore, I guess that no one is depressed anymore?
Hi @smilie, we're still all here. Wouldn't that be wonderful if no one were depressed anymore? How are you doing?
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3 Reactions@colleenyoung Truly this would be the ideal. I always know their are others here. Participation is the key to any community. I'm still here when the physical body permits. Always good to see you are still here too!!!
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3 ReactionsHi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays - most days - it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby
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2 ReactionsSo your kids got up there and then have abandoned you? Is this what you’re trying to say? What were they thinking? Terrible.
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1 ReactionHi @amberpep, recent posts always bump the discussion to the top of the discussion list. Within a discussion thread, people can decide to read them oldest to newest (chronological order) or newest to oldest (reverse chronological order). You are posting your messages correctly and everyone participating in this discussion can see them.
Hi @parus, so good to cross paths with you again.
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2 ReactionsHi @amberpep,
Moving to a new area and stepping out of your comfort zone, alone, can be incredibly difficult – it’s scary, stressful and can feel very lonely. I’d like to share something that helped me, many years ago, when I moved to a completely different country – from India to the United States – because of my husbands career. I had to leave my family, my friends, everything and everyone who gave meaning to my life at that time, behind, and I was utterly miserable and so lonely. Here’s the advice I was given:
Don’t let the past have any role in the future – how can you move forward if you keep living in your past? Let history be just that: history.
So, although it’s not easy, try your best to shift focus away from what “has been” to what “will be.”
Abby, there are so many reasons why we don’t let go of our past lives: thoughts of revenge or compensation which naturally make us feel we are in control; wanting an apology or hoping the person who has wronged us will feel regret; or worry that by forgetting the past, we will lose that link, we may lose those connections.
And, moving forward doesn't mean letting someone off the hook or minimizing wrongful actions and hurt; it also doesn’t mean you have to pretend that everything is fine. It is a very gradual, internal process – you just have to be determined that you want to end your pain, resentment and anger, so that YOU can move on and start living YOUR life – I think you deserve that.
Maybe you can start by seeing this move as a chance for a fresh start, an opportunity to build a new life, your life in the way you want?
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3 ReactionsI think I’m posting in the wrong place. How does one maintain sleep during benzo withdrawal?