Impotency Problems

Posted by mvestuto @mvestuto, Oct 10, 2016

I am a 53 year old woman married to a 66 year old man, who has completely lost all interest in sex. He says he has no desire, doesn't even think about sex. We have had his testosterone checked. It's normal. He has tried Viagara, but stopped, as it gives him bad headaches. We saw a Urologist, who determined that his problem is 100 percent psychological, due to the fact that he has occasionally woken up, with a morning erection. He just started on medication for anxiety problems; Zoloft, in hopes that it will help his anxiety, that might be giving him performance problems. This has been difficult for me. I'm an attractive, thin woman, who works out five days a week. Does anyone have any experience with this issue? Ideas? Insight?

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Intimacy problems can be tough on both partners. It sounds like you're trying to be proactive about it and care about making things better. Couples or individual counseling can be helpful for talking through intimacy problems. A therapist can be a wonderful resource for helping overcome the frustrations and even self-esteem issues that come up. It's not for everyone, so just wanted to throw it out there alongside medical interventions and trying to make things better through communication on your own.

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@caretothepeople

Intimacy problems can be tough on both partners. It sounds like you're trying to be proactive about it and care about making things better. Couples or individual counseling can be helpful for talking through intimacy problems. A therapist can be a wonderful resource for helping overcome the frustrations and even self-esteem issues that come up. It's not for everyone, so just wanted to throw it out there alongside medical interventions and trying to make things better through communication on your own.

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Thanks. Really appreciate everyone's helpful responses.

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@blindeyepug

My husband has a very difficult time attaining and maintaining an erection. I am 56 and he is 63. We are both in good shape and attractive. He takes a pill occasionally, but I don't like him taking them too much because I worry he'll have a heart attack or something! I found that not focusing on an erection helps. We take things much slower, sometimes getting in the bath or shower together and just having that skin to skin contact. I am going to be extremely blunt here, so I hope I do not offend anyone. We use "toys" on occasion, also. This takes the pressure off of him. I also find that if I give him oral sex (can be lots of work), he can eventually get an erection, and we can subsequently have intercourse. And at times I just masturbate and let him help or he will give me oral sex. I know it isn't easy, but you have to try to really hide your frustration and disappointment. It only makes it worse. The more fixated they are on an erection, the more difficult it can be to achieve. Usually their disinterest is shame. They do not want to start something they think they can't finish. If you give him alternatives, your sex life may improve. Just experiment with the idea of simply enjoying each other's bodies without focus on the erection. Let him know he is still a man even if he isn't able to get an erection - he can still satisfy you in many other ways. A lot of this is the ol' male ego. Too much pressure from you to "perform" will just make him more anxious. Start with being romantic and just cuddling. Get reconnected with no pressure. Then slowly introduce toys or whatever else you may feel comfortable with - act excited about him pleasuring you without the pressure of an erection. You may have the big "O" more than him, but that's okay. I understand you want to feel desirable. Do you think he isn't aware of how attractive you are and that other men may be interested in you? That can really hit his ego. He feels like he can't compete and, thus, withdraws.. Anyway, this has been my experience. I hope I have been of some help. You probably aren't going to have sex every day again, but even once a week is better than never!

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Thank you for your bluntness. We as a couple have this "problem", my hubby has had an AVM+stroke and erections just don't happen.
He has tried the "little blue pill" but does not wish to take it anymore..

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Sad for both of us. Him Age 66 and me/her 63. I had a total hysterectomy so shot the sex drive out the window. He has trouble with erections. Blue pill not real interesting. He says he gets a headache. I am too tight and dry. No one's at fault both at fault and discussed sex therapist but small town USA makes it hard and not discreet. Both of us know we have hang ups. If I go down on him I feel used and cheapened as he falls asleep and that's it. Neither of us are movie stars but had passable sex over our 43 years of marriage
We are roommates with different bedtimes.Perhaps that's what it is and will be but when I think about it it makes me sad.

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since there are both men and women with partners unable to function sexually, it would seem that those spouses without sexual partners could be surrogates for one another. America's puritanical mindset is so entrenched most people would rather spend their remaining years in misery rather than find a cooperative solution. We should all wish our spouses to be fulfilled. We get but one life to live.

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moderator my reply just disappeared. Why!?

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@user_ch2456688

moderator my reply just disappeared. Why!?

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Hello, which reply are you referring to? I see a reply from you just above this message. Perhaps it was a temporary delay. If you click on VIEW & REPLY on this notification, you should see your reply above this one. Unless you had an additional reply that did not post and I’d be happy to help.

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Justin, thanks. . .I guess it was a temporary delay.

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@blindeyepug

My husband has a very difficult time attaining and maintaining an erection. I am 56 and he is 63. We are both in good shape and attractive. He takes a pill occasionally, but I don't like him taking them too much because I worry he'll have a heart attack or something! I found that not focusing on an erection helps. We take things much slower, sometimes getting in the bath or shower together and just having that skin to skin contact. I am going to be extremely blunt here, so I hope I do not offend anyone. We use "toys" on occasion, also. This takes the pressure off of him. I also find that if I give him oral sex (can be lots of work), he can eventually get an erection, and we can subsequently have intercourse. And at times I just masturbate and let him help or he will give me oral sex. I know it isn't easy, but you have to try to really hide your frustration and disappointment. It only makes it worse. The more fixated they are on an erection, the more difficult it can be to achieve. Usually their disinterest is shame. They do not want to start something they think they can't finish. If you give him alternatives, your sex life may improve. Just experiment with the idea of simply enjoying each other's bodies without focus on the erection. Let him know he is still a man even if he isn't able to get an erection - he can still satisfy you in many other ways. A lot of this is the ol' male ego. Too much pressure from you to "perform" will just make him more anxious. Start with being romantic and just cuddling. Get reconnected with no pressure. Then slowly introduce toys or whatever else you may feel comfortable with - act excited about him pleasuring you without the pressure of an erection. You may have the big "O" more than him, but that's okay. I understand you want to feel desirable. Do you think he isn't aware of how attractive you are and that other men may be interested in you? That can really hit his ego. He feels like he can't compete and, thus, withdraws.. Anyway, this has been my experience. I hope I have been of some help. You probably aren't going to have sex every day again, but even once a week is better than never!

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I’ve taken cialis but at $70.00 ea I now use Trimix, inject it in my penis. My most exasperating problem is no desire at all and docs say nothing can be done. Result of seizure meds which can’t be stopped or changed

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