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Dementia Anger Issues - bathing
My mom is in a memory care unit. They insist on giving her a bath/shower. It takes 3-4 people to get her to do so and she is very angry after it's all over. I understand that they have rules to follow....but when her anger leads to hitting other patients and they then pushing my mother and causing her to fall, I cannot see their reasoning for giving her the shower/bath in the first place. The family has asked for them to just do sponge baths but they don't seem to listen. What do we do?
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I plan on checking with the Unit Manager and visiting with her about the issues. I want to find out if they noted on her chart that my sister asked specifically for sponge baths for mom. Up to the point of going into the Memory Unit mom had only done sponge baths for the past 3-4 years. Maybe an occasional shower when they lived at their home. I can't let mom see me talking to them or she will throw a fit. There is a great change of staff in the unit so it seems like someone different each time I come. No RN's just LPN's. I'm also going to check her activity chart. They will not force her to do anything. If she turns them down once, I don't think they ask again and if she is sleeping I don't think they wake her up. There are a lot of people sleeping when I visit. I do understand that Alzheimer's patients sleep a lot but when I come she will be active with me for over 2 hours. She doesn't know who I am...only someone to color and visit with her. I think she is sleeping 4-5 hours during the day plus she goes to bed at 5:30 and sleeps all night. We missed her last dr's appt. because they did not write down that my sister was going to be gone on a fishing trip and could not be contacted. She left specific instructions not to have the doctor come while she was gone. Of course, that's when he came. We like to have one family member with her whenever the doctor comes. He makes rounds every three months. My sister is notified the day before he comes. I just wish I lived closer and could visit more often. I'll report back next week what I find out.
Just wanted to give an update. Visited my mom yesterday and was surprised to see her up and about. Talked to the Unit Manager and they told me that they are just giving her sponge baths as needed. I told her no showers!! Mom even told someone that her daughter was there to visit. She still didn't know my name. No big deal. We sat outside, exercised with the group, colored, sang together a couple of hymns, had a really good visit. I did notice that her hip is still very bruised from two weeks ago when she fell. Her legs are like gritty sandpaper. I was able to put lotion on one leg..not the other. She kept saying she didn't want to get wet. This water aversion thing is very weird. I sat with her while she ate lunch and tucked her into bed for a nap. No one was in the station when I left so I had my sister contact them to look at mom's leg and to tell them to watch to see if she's getting constipated or getting a UTI as she had to go to the bathroom several times. Stay over two hours. Then went and fixed lunch for dad and I and visited with him for four hours. Very good visit.
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3 Reactions@kateia
Before the dementia, did your mother swim at all? Was she afraid of water, such as bodies of water, or did she have a fear of drowning?
One of mom's favorite things to do when I was little was to soak in the bathtub for a long time. When it became too difficult for her to get in and out of the tub they changed to showers about 6 years ago. She didn't really enjoy them...only took one occasionally. The past 5 years she's been doing sponge baths. I don't remember her complaining about having a fear of water when I was growing up. She never really went swimming but made sure that we all had swim lessons. We did a lot of fishing in the boat and from a dock and waters edge and she never had problems with that. My mother-in-law, however, could swim every day where she is but she won't stick her big toe in the water. She does take showers by herself without problem. This has something to do with her dementia and the fact that they either gang up on her or trick her into getting into the "tub" room. Then she is livid for a couple of days. They changed her bedding the other day. (she's only been sleeping on top of the bedspread with two throws over the top of her) The folded the throws and put them at the end of her bed and she threw a fit. She wouldn't even go into the room. They "fixed" it but she was still mad. My sister finally straightened things out and then she did lay down to nap. She also has issues with a lot of the staff going into her room. She doesn't wear pajamas...just her clothes. My brother's wife helps her in the evening to change into new slacks and top or she would wear what she has on for weeks. Hope this answers your question.
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2 ReactionsOne often overlooked aspect of dementia is that a patient's remaining senses can often become overly sensitive to make up for those that are being lost. Therefore sensations of the skin might be highly elevated where there were not before. Likewise sense of smell, etc.
Plus change, any change, can be extremely frustrating and frightening to a dementia patient. Change means the unknown and they are already having to deal with that in a continual, overwhelming way as they diminish in mental capacity.
I wish you peace and strength.
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2 Reactions@kateia with dementia not only is there a loss of memories but with it frustration and anger. It is also possible that she changes habbits or her likes and dislikes. It's just the dementia. When she wants something changed and different than what she used to do just go with it. It might seem different to you but to your mother and her dementia it is as if that is the way she always done things. And like all of us sometimes we just want to change our behaviors just because of our moods. If it is not hurting herself or others than be patient and let the changes come. The important thing is that she is happy.
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1 ReactionI made sure Mom had Arecept and Nameda - i think it slowed down the<br>dementia. 3 yrs os taking care of her. - but at the end she accepted things<br>and was enjoying life.<br><br>Mari*a*n<br>
I just wish the staff would understand why they need to do things a certain way. Like make mom's bed. Just take a picture of it and put it on the wall so that when they come to change the bedding it gets put back to it's original state. Is that so difficult? We made up a poster for mom's room when she moved that told of her family life, her likes, what she did growning up, kids, etc. For two-three months the staff was asking us questions that were answered on that poster if they just would have taken the time to read it. When I was there this week mom told one of the staff that her daughter was here to see her. She couldn't remember my name but she did remember that I was her daughter. +++++ We had a very good visit.
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2 ReactionsI hired care givers - they bought my Mom candy bar. What does Lo fat, lo calorie diet mean!? they said its only 1.
Another gave her cookies.
Help can be too lazy and uncaring to pay attention to your orders. Surprise visits are good.
So darn discouraging.
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2 ReactionsYou are spot on, @mari!