By July 7 at 9:59 am 1,575 15 4
I hope and pray this is another not the case but every single thing that has happened to my body is thisth…Since I was 17 years old, possibly before.. I have off and on been sick… I remember when one of my best friends Angel had cancer and something just started happening to me.. At one point I couldn’t lift my head off of my desk at school literally.. My bowels were messed up and I had heart palpitation’s. My mother was so good and took me to the dr literally almost every day to try to figure out what was going on with me. I saw my regular dr all the time and was referred on for other testings to a cardiologist. Everything turned out where they had no answers. A 17 year old who was out of shape, a slight mitrovalue prolapse(never to be found by doctors again) I remember probably even before the age of 17 when we would walk the mall my hands would swell and itch, it hurt, never found out the cause of that either. When I was 21 or 22 I had taken one Effexor and ten min after taking it off I went to the ER with multiple symptoms such as heart racing, feeling as though whatever was happening I was going to die. After many tests and being there for four hours they said I was having a panic attack. I had no clue what that meant and I had always had fears of taking meds so I was scared to death to take another pill when the one I had just taken seemed to have sent my body into some kind of life threatening feeling mode. But, they did finally convenience me to take the pills and within 30 min the world was good again I was laughing and couldn’t walk due to the med. When I woke in the am I started feeling that feeling again overcoming me, I then took my next pill and have been on Xanax ever since. I have battled with panic attacks for all of these years now and I am now 39 years old. Along this journey I have had many odd things happen to my body that no one could explain, I have had many tests ran but everything along the way has been chalked up to its stress. That gets frustrating after so many years of that being the answer. All tests seem to look fine and off to battle I go alone again. I have kept some of my various strange symptoms to myself in these years due to the fact I didn’t want to always be complaining of something new was happening. Too many quirky things and people including drs tend to start thinking its seriously all in your head. Back about I would guess 4 to 6 years ago I started having these little things happening in my head. It had happened maybe 2-3 times a year until just recently. I tried to tell my dr about the feeling I kept getting, but it was just looked over as each time I would go to the doctor’s office I had a list for them of questions and things going/feeling wrong. Through all tests I have continued to get good results and no real answers. I have been in disbelief that panic/anxiety disorder could not only be limiting me to where I hardly ever leave my home, but, also be the cause of these random pains etc. I have always been fatigued, since I can remember starting in my early 20’s. Getting overwhelmed easy because I never kept up on the things that normal people could do, housecleaning etc. Over the years I have chalked it up to my depression. Back when Facebook started I got a Facebook and I had all of these people requesting to be my friend etc. Now take into account when I start explaining about Facebook. That I had a wonderful childhood wonderful parents family and friends. I was born raised and graduated high school from the same small town where everyone knew everyone, the town of Galena. As I started getting all of these friend requests I would most of the time think, who is that the name sounds familiar but I just can’t really remember. As I a few times even called Angie my best friend since 6th grade and she would tell me who it was. As I started getting on Facebook people would start talking, “hey, do you remember when” well I might vaguely remember them but I sure didn’t remember all of the stories I was hearing. Right then I thought wow where has my memory gone. I would try to think back of my childhood and was only able to dig up a few bits and pieces. Since the age of 25 I have been in some very dysfunctional relationships including abusive both mentally and verbally. My son and I were diagnosed with PTSD when I was around 29 he was around 4. So, I was a bit freaked out as to why fb people had all of these memories and mine were few and far between. I decided it had to be because of all of the stress that the dysfunctional relationships that I had been through had basically wiped out my memory. This past year has been somewhat different. After a traumatic event or so it seemed to me, of being in another dysfunctional relationship to watch it just go away after 3 years I literally thought I must have Alzheimer’s. I couldn’t remember from day to day moment to moment I was so confused; this lasted off and on for several months. I clearly do remember when one of my younger sons, (their ages are 6 & &7) said mama what if you forget who we are. I said I will never forget who you are, and he said but you forget everything. Of course I was worried, then I would keep going somehow I came back to thinking again and I don’t remember how. Now some people would think oh you have taken too many of your pills. Not the case. I actually don’t take near as many pills as what are prescribed to me, a lot of the times I forget to take my pills until I start really getting tense or panicky then I remember that I don’t think I took my pill. I got some better even though along the way I have never stopped having weird things happen to my body that if I spoke of everything someone would sure have me in a white padded room by now. This is July 1, 2012 and I have spent the majority of everyday in bed now for several days, several months actually, and off and on for several years. I am always so wore out so drained feeling. I for many years have been like a little baby and have had to take a nap to be able to make it through my day without extreme panic arising. The little pains in my head over the past several months have gotten to be more frequent. I never knew how to really describe it to the dr until one day I tried a muscle stimulator and turned it up to high and whew it gave me a shock sensation. At that moment I looked at my 14 year old and said that’s it. That is how I can describe the little funny feeling that I get in my head that is what it feels like. It feels like a burst of electricity shocking my brain for a few seconds. Now I knew how to describe it, now I knew what to tell the doctors. I was starting to get concerned that maybe my body was trying to have a seizure or possibly a stroke. I had been having dizzy spells, light headed spells which I at those times I was off balance. Sorry for bouncing back and forth in time. About two years ago I was having pain so bad in my neck that would radiate down to my arm and into my chest, it would last for days it got to the point I couldn’t sit up out of bed because of the pain and not being able to maneuver without it hurting so bad. Well, once again it wasn’t my heart. I thought well it’s been a year since my son and I were rear ended but something’s take time to cause problems and I then chalked it up to that went through physical therapy and seemed to get better. Although the pinch nerve or squeezed nerve I am not sure in the back of my neck is still there and when I get tense which is often it seems to cause pain. I often have funny sensations all over my body and very random and nothing consistent. Today for example my hands, feet and up my arms and legs about half way feel swollen. I don’t even have a salt shaker in the house, I say that because sodium is the first thing that comes to mind. Now the swelling or tight feeling isn’t visible except mildly in my fingers. Backing up to yesterday and day before the overwhelming fatigue kept me in bed almost the entire day; this has been becoming more frequent over the past year. I would like to chalk it up to depression; however, I don’t feel depressed. I just feel like something is sucking the life out of me from time to time. My doctor probably a year or two ago said have we ever checked your Vitamin D level, I said no, so they did. My results came back that I was severely deficient in Vitamin D. Another thing that has been a problem is I cannot handle heat, I have chalked that up to always being in the air conditioning although it’s quite extreme when I start getting hot I start feeling bad and get scared then panic. I often get pain, stinging, burning sensations here and there. For over 15 years I have thought I must have sleep apnea because of my fatigue, and I can sleep through the night to wake everyday feeling like I have never slept. So, I thought I must have sleep apnea and the doctor thought that as well. It took me those 15 years of assuming I probably did to finally get so tired that I was excited to go get the sleep study done. No longer was I in total fear because I thought this is the answer, I will get a sleep machine and it will revive me and life will be great. Well, the sleep study revealed that I do not have sleep apnea, but, I do have a problem with my sleep. Problem being I don’t go into REM sleep. Actually in one stage I got a whole 13% of REM. The other finding was that during the study I was as they said on the fence of being awake and asleep 384 times. So I don’t get that recovery sleep that is so necessary for the body to have. I also have been I have absolutely no want for sex, my drive has driven away, I kind of thought at first that this was strange since I am only 39 but then again I decided it’s probably because I have been through so much emotional trauma. I was tingly in my limbs yesterday and now today its back. I often have sharp aching pains that randomly pop up just here and there and everywhere, sometimes lasting for a few seconds to days. I started getting back on my aspirin because I thought hmmm could be a stroke. Back in the fall of 2011 I had a realization that my bowels don’t work like everyone else’s. I might have 5 bowel movements a month maybe a few more, but, nothing like everyone else. At first I wasn’t that worried until I shared that with others. Then I got worried thought maybe I had something wrong. Now I do bloat up where it is very visible looks as though I am about to give birth, that has been an issue for several years now as well but not very often. Last summer while going through the memory loss, the realizing my bowels weren’t regular to say the least and the bloating. I did research on those symptoms and decided I could have ovarian cancer. I went to my OBGYN and he did testing, he found some cysts on the ovaries but didn’t seem concerned. He then referred me on to a gastrointestinal doctor who did and upper GI and a colonoscopy. Which in typing that helped me to remember that I had a full sensation that seemed to be pushing up and making me miserable even when I hadn’t eaten hardly anything. I also have had times over the years when the right side of my throat felt like I had a big lump or something pressing against my throat but nothing was found. The upper GI and the colonoscopy were fairly normal I did have a palup and I will go back in a couple of years and have another one done. Basically that was all chalked up to stress and life went on. A few months ago I kept having my ear hurting and I could hear what sounded like the blood rushing through my left ear every time my heart would beat. Now, that didn’t happen all the time but when it started getting more frequent and I started having pain in my ear into my jaw and my neck I then went to the dr. I expressed my concern with corroded artery I then had a test done to check to see if there was a problem with that and no problem. The doctor referred me on to have a chemical stress test done for my severe fatigue and shortness of breath chest pain etc. The stress test was normal. I have continued to get these head surges and it’s just so short but quite the disturbing feeling. Last week I had a place on my left side go partially numb and on my upper right arm it felt like when your mouth is going numb at the dentist. I often feel like my arms and legs just aren’t getting good circulation but yet they aren’t blue, just how my mind works. I think it has been three times now to where I have had a horrible time with my legs and it was just like they explain restless leg syndrome. Quite the odd feelings but add it to the list. Yesterday June 30 2012 I was extremely fatigued, had been in bed majority of the day, my youngest was getting ready to leave with his father. His father asked me where our son’s inhaler was I felt a few seconds of confusion and said I don’t know, I said look in his backpack then I said wait do they still have school? His father looked at me and said Sandra last Tuesday was their last day of school and you even posted about it on Facebook. I said oh yea… it clicked with me at that moment that for whatever reason I had just had a miniute of memory blankness. Now, I might add that I am the one who had taken my younger boys to summer school and picked them up every day for almost a month. Quite scary to have those things happen to your mind. No one knows the extent that all of this is impacting my life and how it has become so much more serious in this past year. No one except the ones who should never have to see their mama the way they do, no one knows just how bad it is except my children. On June 27 I took my son to see a neurologist due to a concussion and problems he is having since the concussion. The doctor was so nice he spent so much time with us. At the end of my son’s examination he said is there any other questions, anything else I can do. I felt his sincerity and decided to step out of the box and take a chance. I said you have been great, you have been thorough with my son and I think you have covered everything. I continued on to say could I ask you a question about myself because I don’t get to sit down in front of a neurologist every day. He welcomed my question; he listened to my brief question and went on to ask me many questions. I had no idea the day I went into his office that I would ask about myself, that had never crossed my mind. What had crossed my mind is that maybe I needed my brain looked at due to the surges in case it were to be something trying to happen like a seizure or stroke, that’s what had crossed my mind. But as he had set there and spoke to us about GOD and some of his life of work there was just something there to where I knew I could ask and sure enough he was so receptive. After many questions his nurse walked into the room and he asked her who a really good adult neurologist is there in the clinic. He said she needs someone nice, understanding etc. The nurse thought and thought and they came up with a name to which I can’t remember at this time. But, he wasn’t thinking in the same things I was he said I want you to be checked out for MS. I said what MS…. In total disbelief and really took it quite well. I said ok. He said you can tell your doctor you can tell the neurologists that we have talked and I want you seen. That everything in your body that happens shouldn’t just be chalked up to your panic/anxiety disorder. Since June 27, 2012 which was only 4 days ago…. I have spent two of them on the computer researching. I am a walking symptom site of MS. I have always wanted answers to all of my quirks because I am not like anyone else I know. But, this wasn’t the answer and still may not be, however, I am and have been for years exhibiting off and on classic MS symptoms. If I typed out all of the symptoms or funny things that happen to my body or mind it would take day’s maybe weeks, so these are the highlights that I have typed about. This is not a flowing story of my struggles and mysteries like it could be because I have gone back and added thoughts here and there so the timeline will not flow as I wish it did. I am a little scared, my son was right there so he knows, one of my best friends knows and a girl that I went to school with knows because I reached out to her last night and we talked for quite some time. She was so upbeat and is now doing so good and is symptom free. Probably the one thing that sticks in my mind the most of our conversation was when she text. “Classic MS, I am sorry to say but I have had all of those symptoms plus some.” She now works with people helping them to overcome MS. She was in a wheelchair for some time and had a loving husband who took great care of her, he fed her bathed her etc. Now she walks and lives normally. Time will answer my unanswered quirks, all the randomness that I have happen to my body. I have always wanted an answer to fit all these mysterious pieces together and have a clear picture of what is wrong with me. Hopefully I will hear a no once again like I always have to the questions unanswered when I get brave enough to go to the doctor with this, but, if I don’t then I will finally know.