- Current Page
What is the best way to be supportive of my son with cancer.
By January 29, 2012 at 9:20 pm 808 16
This has been very frustrating. He is 26 now and we are very close. About 2 years ago he has had three tumors removed / diangosed with stomach cancer. He has refused chemo and radiation. He has insurance (BC/BS) but it doesn't cover the treatments. He says he wouldn't get them anyway. He hates to talk about it and refuses for me to go with him to the doctor for his regular tests to see if there is cancer in his system again (PET SCAN?) Most all I know I found out on the Mayo Clinic site since he would talk about it with me. He said he cannot deal with keeping it together if he has to worry about how I am too). He doesn't want to cause me any more pain than is necessary. He doesn't want to be 'THAT KID WITH CANCER". Lately he has been really on edge and I think it has come back and he knows it because he hasn't been feeling well again and doens't want to go back to the cancer doctor. His insurance has raised his rates twice in the last few months because he has refused to get the chemo / radiation. He had to get another job since it is almost 300.00 a month now. I can't help him financially since I broke my back in a car accident (black ice) and get only $465.00 mth SSI. I cherish each day and don't fight with him about the treatments. It is his life, his decision and he quality of life - he made that very clear to me. How can I be supportive in a positive way without asking questions? There are so many variables so I honestly have no idea what he has been told, how bad it is, what his prognosis is, etc. He has changed his life - forgives everyone for everything, spends all his time with family and friends, tries to maintain contact with his absent father and goes to every concert he can when his bands come to town… Living every day to the fullest and enjoying life. All that is good but it is all the questions and uncertainty that flood over me at night that is making me sick inside. I put on a brave face but when I'm alone… well, I've cried myself to sleep more nights than I want to admit. It has been just the three of us - Him, his brother - 24 - and me for many years - we are all very close. I want to believe it is going to be ok - but I've seen too much death in my family of young people - the fear is always there. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. I do know I'm not alone in this - way too many Mothers are losing sons… I can grieve later if it comes to that but in the meantime - I need to make his life as good as I can.